Mi corazoncito

So I hear a Spanish song, right? I’m not paying much attention to it. But then I HEAR it. It’s like OOPSPOWSURPRISE! It sounds great. The music, the singing. It grabbed me. So I have to find it. Thru the power of Google and shazam I find it. And do you fucking know who the song is by… FUCKING AVENTURA!! Like wow. You’re thinking like “Duh dumbass, they’re only one of the most popular fucking Spanish bands around”. But no, see. Of course I’d fucking like an Aventura song out the blue cuz it’s one of HER favorites. At some point she might have suggested I listen to some of their shit. I can never get away from YOU. truth is I don’t want to. Little things like this keep you in my heart. For better and worse, but I’m ok with that. Cuz when I looked down at my phone and saw who and what I was listening to? KOOL AID!!!!!! Hardcore koolaid cheesin. Smile like I’s a dumb fool. A smile for you.

6/12/09 – 2/16/14

I’m not so sure she feels so “lucky” to have known and Loved me. Sure she has the relief though. Hank and Karen in such a bad way.

Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can’t have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I’m with her, even when I’m not.

And that’s really all that will be left. I wouldn’t be surprised if we never spoke again. That’s life. The life I created with my poor decisions. I will say, I don’t think you ever did or would’ve accepted me and all my flaws as I accepted yours. There’s more, but that’s all I feel the need to say now. Or maybe ever will.


“I think the world sees Hank as this, fabulous fuck up. And umm, I know that guy. I’ve spent a lot of time with that guy. But I am better acquainted with the other guy. The one that listens and hears everything. The one that looks at you and sees right into your soul. The one that makes you believe in every fucking fairy tale you’ve ever been told. Ultimately, I may not even be the woman who gets to enjoy the man that I know he can be. But I still want the best for him.” – Karen.

When I said You were Karen it was in jest. Little did I know I’d become the man-child who is supremely and constantly fucking up… You know, Hank. Self sabotage. Smh.

“We need to forgive our-fucking-selves. No one is gonna do that for us, deal?” – Hank

Loving you, has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear. As your [partner] I made a vow to protect you from the world, never realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. [and now] my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sense of pride. How could you? Your [partner] is a child in a man’s body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It’s getting dark. Too dark to see. ” – Hank



Maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late…

You are.

Each day more beautiful than the one before
Sun high, clear skies
Palm trees swaying in the breeze.
The Lovely calm, keeps my mind at ease
I see you in it all
Your soft skin in the breeze
Gently brushing against me
Your long flowing hair in all of the leaves of the trees
Long beautiful legs in long steady trunks of the palms.
Lately the moon’s shined so bright, reminiscent of the twinkle in your eyes.
The birds try in vein to duplicate the warmth and joy in the cackle of your laugh
The almighty sun so bright and high. The center of our universe, is nothing, but your smile.
There aren’t enough words to properly encapsulate the magnificence and beauty that is your smile.
As the sun sets it’s splendor is only comparable to that of your breasts.
And as the sun sits on the horizon, exposing all the colors of nature, it is you, fully exposed.
Everything uncovered.
The truest beauty one can behold.
Before I take you in my arms, and into the night.
You are nature.
You are beauty.
You are.



And just like that I’m going to my first NFL game to see my favorite team. The Denver Broncos (yo ass shoulda knew that tho). Not only that, but it’s a weekend trip, a mini vacation, if you will. Me & Her. Can’t believe it. She did that. All on Her own. Amazing, She is.

Follow me
Continue reading “SURPRISE!”


I had a 4 day (unpaid 😦 ) weekend, so I took a sort of mini holiday (that’s vacation to ‘Mercia). I had a lovely thanksgiving (more like Lovesgiving). But it was really a phenominal 4 days. A sign of the future, in many ways. Something to strive for, work at, look forward to. Many sacrifices must be made. And I will make them. But the time, well, it was just perfect.

**i was gonna use Styles P “Holiday” but Madonna was much more appropriate for a number of reasons 😉



The same forces responsible for this beauty are the same forces responsible for yours.
When you smile?
You take my soul.
I’m nothing but yours.
Beauty isn’t just what you are.
It’s WHO you are
They say beauty only runs skin deep
Well that’s because they can only see the surface.
Beauty starts from the soul and works it’s way out
It doesn’t start from the outside to work it’s way inward
You are the physical manifestation of the beauty of the soul.
Your soul.
You connect the dots of the true holy trinity: the mind body & spirit.
Making each day brighter with your thoughts. Your smile. Your YOU
you cannot teach wisdom. You can only share it.
You give & share with us your all.
I am only grateful.

“With you by my side…”

**this started as a one sentence text message…

You have been on my mind since I woke up. I thought about the embrace we shared Saturday night. It led me to 2 places. The painfully obvious one is that now I miss you. Like crazy. The other being that it is one of my favorite moments. It’s one of the little moments you want to keep forever. To stay bound in the warmth. In the love. Wrap myself up in the soft blanket of comfort that you provide. The bigger, more overt gestures are every bit as meaningful but the little moments, that often aren’t even thought about, they stick with me. And mean more then you’ll ever know. when we saw Lana. In the short line to get “checked” by security outside, you did your patented “big move”. Hugged me from behind. Then as we strolled in together you made it a point to grab my hand and hold it. It was a wonderful evening from beginning to end. But those 2 little things made all the difference. You have this way of making it feel like we’re the only 2 people in world. I get lost in the majesty of your eyes and splendor that is your smile. In that floating space in time; I could die. Nothing is more perfect. The lights are on but your glow illuminates the room. Illuminates my life, my passion. We’ve yet so far to go, but every encounter we have feels like an eternity. Even before we depart I’m longing to once again be a part of your existence. Enveloped in your aura. I’ll live in my dream, just until we meet again, Love.

*halfway thru I put The xx – Open Eyes (demo) on. To create the proper atmosphere to continue writing this. I also put it on the list 😉