Wrote this on Monday before my latest trip to the ER:
Been scared to put the pen to paper. We all know what’s coming next. Yet another ode to Love. An ode to You. In near death it seems all I wanted was/is you. To be comforted by the sound of your voice. In a perfect world, your touch. I have no regard for self-preservation when it comes to you. How could I? Your are my lifeline. No matter if we never cross paths again. YOU ARE MY LIFE LINE. I haven’t even been able to cry. I almost did a few times. Again, it has more to do with you than my own mortality. Why?! WHY?! The universe gave me life once again. I guess I’ve worn out my chances to even have so much as a conversation with you. Now I write this to you. For you. Knowing your eyes will never see these words. And if they do, will your heart still absorb them? So many variables. But not for me. Cuz it will always be for you. I mean, it’s for me. My expression. My wants. Needs. But those as pertaining to you. As usual. Going through life with a missing piece. Doing any and everything to distract myself from that void. There is no real confrontation. Just a fact to be accepted. I shall always remain incomplete thru my journey.