Category: inside the mind of the insane

inside the mind of the insane

Write or wrong


Don’t even really like to think just pick the pen up and write. – Nelson Waters – FootBall.

This is EXACTLY what I do. I thought about being more structured and formal. BUT I was advised by Jerome Dickens and Meka to do what I feel. And if one day I happen to feel structure and formality that’s fine. But I don’t have to move in that direction if it’s not where I want/need to be. because I am my own voice and style. Thanks. I do PROMISE you all I wanna be better and I am searching within myself to bring out better writing. I’m capable. I just enjoy the free spirited stop and go since I had never wrote like this before. More sophistication is what I want though.

*the title of this is so corny

Never be mine

I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t expect you to stick around
How can I be expected to love you when I still love her. Outside smiles inside frowns
Feels like my life is get down or lay down.
Never will I win.
Cuz when a new one comes around it’s always about HER
And I’m nowhere on her radar, pathetic it is.
Toxic in my heart. Trapped in my mind
The love I want is hers. It’s hiding; for me never to find
And when someone comes anew. I’m stuck in a bind
Cuz I’m longing for a love that’ll never be mine…
Again

Love runs deep

You ever Have a convo with the woman of your dreams? The one in your dreams. The one you wake up thinking about every morning. The love of your life. The ONE. you ever have that convo where you tell her to let go of her inhibitions. Of the past. Of her hurt. And just LOVE. Because her love is so beautiful and unmatched and amazing and a true gift. To not waste an opportunity that she truly feels. And she agrees. But you’re not talking about her loving you. You’re talking about her loving him? Yeah well. I love her so much. That I’ll stop at nothing to bring her back to seeing her greatness. Even when it means that THEY live happily ever after. . .

*tears*
Te amo

The dream in front of me

When the woman in your dreams is sitting to your right. Looking as beautiful as she EVER has. But she’s in a glass case. You can’t touch. You’re sharing wonderful moments in time. Only you’re just sharing them but not SHARING them. Maybe she would’ve held my hand. But what’s that mean? The LOVE is in MY heart. Hers no longer. So thus, I torture myself to no end. So goes my life. One day LOVE will be mine. So I’ll appreciate the piece(s) of time we shared for what it was instead of what it wasn’t. Cuz it sure was beautiful.

The Week(e)nd

Dope weekend. Epic. Plenty of fun and shenanigans galore. Amazing. Shared 2 of these days with Beast, and really, it’s always better with her. Fresco missed Saturday. Bastard!! But overall. Incredible.

Random Bill Bellamy at the IMPROV and arcade on Friday. And I kicked with the fam Mario whom I haven’t seen in a couple few years.
RockTheBells on Saturday with Beast and the cucamonga kids. Fresco got drunk and died. Smh.
John Legend and MOTHERFUCKING SADE! on Sunday! A-FUCKING-MAZING. merry bday to you!

I have a lot on my mind and a lot more to say. But I’ll just bask in the joy that was this weekend and most notably the Sade concert. Lovely.

Beast.. I love you. The look on your face throughout the concert and when you saw your gift… Gives me life. Thank you for everything you’ve done…

God’s Creation

After the mind fuck and the games and the this and that and everything. I was spent. Exhausted. Mentally. Then I did it. I said fuck I miss her. Then I told her so. I’ve refrained from doing so. Quite well. No matter the temptation. But today I didn’t even think about it. I just found her and POW. Why? She used to make it all go away. She was my drug. My novacane. With you it was all so simple. A dollar and dream is all we ever needed. Ever think what if we had succeeded? Woulda been magical. Anyhow. She was gracious. Funny and not too harsh. And then hilarious. So I don’t regret it. She took it all away. Albeit in a different way. Just the same. Now if only I could reignite that flame… Thanks love

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