Category: love

530 this morning.

The moon is beautiful this morning. Incredible yellow hue. The light path it creates on the water could only lead to heaven. This supposed to be the part where I contact you. Spill all my feels. Or subtly tell you I miss you. I Love you. Instead I remain silent. My fate has been sealed. Last time I had no idea you’d come back. I did not believe you’d be mine. Then by the grace of the gods you were there. This time? I have it in my heart that you will be back. That again we will share life. you won’t. And you don’t. But I’m always right, right? The same part of me that tell me to quit are the same parts that tell me to keep going. I just sit and think. Only real answer I come up with is “why not?”. Just letting the universe take me where it shall, while I try to will it where my lies. Love might be the only thing I believe in, please, don’t fail me now.

3rd Time’s The Charm

(Wrote this a while ago. Thought I’d finally let it breathe. BUT there will be a new edit of this. Who knows if you’ll ever get to read it.)

The 3rd time is the charm
I’m afraid I won’t get to check the validity of the statement.
I’m scared to find out if my time is even worth spending on finding the truth in the cliche.
I’m terrified that I’ll be torn to no end in seeking the accuracy of the idiom.
Most of all, I fear what will happen if I stand by and do nothing.
Chasing the dream.
Taking action
Forging reality into my own
The worst part is it’s not all in my hands
You weren’t ready.
Might still not be.
So I must walk the tightrope with no safety net.
Fate in my hands.
Risk my heart for the reward
Leap of faith?
No
More like
A leap of Love.

Worn out Love

There’s so much of me to give.
But there’s nothing else to give to you
That’s not to say I’ve nothing left to give
Plenty remains
You’ve just worn out your share
You never deserved it.
I only thought you did
I wanted you to deserve my Love
You have proven time after time that you are not worthy.
I continued pressing.
I WANTED YOU
why? I don’t know
We struck a cord, played a few good tunes
The more I get to know you?
I’ve seen through the façade
You put up a good front
The smoke and mirrors had my heart what it wanted to
The truth? I’ll just leave that to you
Perception is everything and I know all
I no longer believe in you.
We might see each other again.
We might hang out.
But I won’t have the same Love for you at all
What a shame
And it’s all your fault.

Slipping Away

I lived out this song. Although I thought I was unaffected at the time; I came out worse for the wear. And I am now paying the price for Loving you. Yet and still I’m trying to figure out if I can do it again. If we can do it again….

Slipping away, your love is, slipping away
For a while
What can I do to change your mind
Talk it back for me
Slipping away, your love is, slipping away
For a while
I see it in your eyes
And in your voice
Remember, the times we had
Before it all went south
And fell apart

Oh, slipping away, you love is slipping away from me
What can I do to change your mind
Talk it back for me late
Yeah, don’t you trip, yeah

Slipping away, your love, slipping away
What can I do to change your mind
Hide back from it lady,
Remember, the times we had
Oh the nights we’ve shared alone
All the life we showed for something
Something, something,
Oh don’t leave me alone,
Don’t leave me alone
I be missing you baby, ehe
Yeah baby, oh baby, don’t go
Oh baby don’t go, don’t go
Oh baby, oh, don’t go.

Just thinking…

I was really tired tonight. Early too. Told you good night. Then my mom called. Kinda random. Kinda pointless. Then I was up. I wanted to call you. I didn’t even have anything to say. I just wanted hear you. I mean, do we ever have anything to talk about? Now I’m laying here… thinking… Why don’t I just act?! I could be picking your brain. Throwing random ideas out. Listening to you(r) laugh. But I’m here. Just thinking. Would I have left a message if I got your voicemail? Definitely. What kind though? A quick one? Just a “hey”. Or maybe something more personal. Something meaningful. Definitely that. But nope. I’m just laying here. Thinking…. Thinking…. Why you?! Still! It’s like there has to be something more to all this. Are you still Pam? Or are you Clem? To me, you are both. You’re more one than the other, at times. But you’re always both. Just gotta find the balance. But I can’t do anything about that. I realized this. Finally. It’s YOU! You’re the reason for all this. I can stand up to you. And I can put my foot down. Or I can be submissive. None of it matters. It’s you that gets in the way of your own progress. You need to heal. I can support you but that’s all I can do… THINKING… THINKING! T H I N K I N G !

Here I go, again…

How did I get here again?
How’d I let my head sink back to THAT place?
All these hopes and ideas
Like I’m dreaming again
Gotta reprogram my mind.
Again
Back to reality.
There you go, druw, thinking you’re somebody. Thinking you matter.
I know I’m someone. I know I matter.
I am the King.
And you?
You’re supposed to be the queen
And we shall rule with Love’s divinity.
There’s a place where dreams are reality.
I believe I’m in that place.
Now if only I could make my reality come to life; sooner than later
I
No
We
We will be golden.

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