inside the mind of the insane
“how soon will I get to know,
if dreaming of you is wasting my time”
It seems we all know what’s next, so what’s taking so long?
Unless I’m wrong. Hopefully I’m wrong.
Only a few lines even apply. Out of context, at that. But it’s just a delightful tune.
“I think the world sees Hank as this, fabulous fuck up. And umm, I know that guy. I’ve spent a lot of time with that guy. But I am better acquainted with the other guy. The one that listens and hears everything. The one that looks at you and sees right into your soul. The one that makes you believe in every fucking fairy tale you’ve ever been told. Ultimately, I may not even be the woman who gets to enjoy the man that I know he can be. But I still want the best for him.” – Karen.
When I said You were Karen it was in jest. Little did I know I’d become the man-child who is supremely and constantly fucking up… You know, Hank. Self sabotage. Smh.
“We need to forgive our-fucking-selves. No one is gonna do that for us, deal?” – Hank
“…
Loving you, has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear. As your [partner] I made a vow to protect you from the world, never realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. [and now] my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sense of pride. How could you? Your [partner] is a child in a man’s body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It’s getting dark. Too dark to see. ” – Hank
Maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late…
Each day more beautiful than the one before
Sun high, clear skies
Palm trees swaying in the breeze.
The Lovely calm, keeps my mind at ease
I see you in it all
Your soft skin in the breeze
Gently brushing against me
Your long flowing hair in all of the leaves of the trees
Long beautiful legs in long steady trunks of the palms.
Lately the moon’s shined so bright, reminiscent of the twinkle in your eyes.
The birds try in vein to duplicate the warmth and joy in the cackle of your laugh
The almighty sun so bright and high. The center of our universe, is nothing, but your smile.
There aren’t enough words to properly encapsulate the magnificence and beauty that is your smile.
As the sun sets it’s splendor is only comparable to that of your breasts.
And as the sun sits on the horizon, exposing all the colors of nature, it is you, fully exposed.
Everything uncovered.
The truest beauty one can behold.
Before I take you in my arms, and into the night.
You are nature.
You are beauty.
You are.
You.
“I’m not sentimental-I’m as romantic as you are. The idea, you know, is that the sentimental person thinks things will last-the romantic person has a desperate confidence that they won’t.”
-FSF. TSOP.
Continue reading “This Side Of Paradise”
“Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a fucked-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.” – Clem
*sigh* I know. Can’t make these mistakes when I KNOW! Smh. I can’t believe myself. By the grace of the gods(esses) I’ve been given yet another opportunity. To stake my claim and show my true colors. To live up to the potential. Only my goddess could be so merciful.
Reshaping my mind has been a long journey. I FEEL it though. I FEEL the changes. I seek knowledge with reckless abandon. It’s not necessarily a bad thing BUT I don’t know everything. This is ok. And I should channel and focus that energy to seek something worthwhile. And the FEELing part? It feels as though once and for all I’ve settled my brain. It’s not a thousand miles an hour thinking of any and everything. Nope. I don’t need to know it all. I’m never gonna have all the answers (no sway). And some answers present themselves when they are ready, or when I am ready to see/accept them. This is just one part of my growth but something that has been very necessary to grasp.
I’ve been quick to change some things. Slow learning and enacting with others. In my process of evolution I’ve come a long way but I am constantly & ever changing. And now it’s for the better. To be even better? I must give my entire self away. To my new mind sets. It’s a dangerous line to be a “practical realest” when I have such abstract beliefs about life. Time to fully embrace that side and set aside my old ways. Old habits die hard, but die they must. I’m in a new era in my life. It’s time to embrace that and become the man I’ve always meant to be. And just BE.
So quick to judge. You ever think about what you’re saying? Why you’ve said it? In the moment it might’ve been how you felt, but that does not always make it ok. It’s actually refreshing when you stand by those words too. But, it’s still wrong. See that. Think about it from BOTH sides. Understand it. I do this. You do this. We all do. Pride, man. It’ll be our downfall.
Too prideful. Not enough. Balance. Everything is about balance. I’m working on my balance.
Is this pattern being repeated? Feels like it. I’ll give it some time to resolve itself. I can only do what’s right for me and hope it falls in line. But the feeling is all too familiar. But then that begs the question whether it really is what’s happening or my mind is tricking me into thinking something because it is “familiar”. Reprogramming the mind is a long and much needed process. I’ll get ahold of what’s really what. Intuition, I still trust you.
This is what I got for Xmas. This was far and away the best gift I have ever received. It’s very fitting that SHE was the one to give it to me as well. A grand gesture of Love? I do believe so. She’ll top this too. Whether she knows it or not. She always does. I only hope I can make her feel the way she makes me feel. I venture to think it is an impossible task. That’s not negative either. It just speaks to how truly magical she is.
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