Even when it’s not. =\ I mean why would be about anyone or anything else for that matter? It’s not like I haven’t been planning on being a better person all along. I wanted to for myself. But I NEEDED to for you. Then I didn’t do it for either reason until after. When it was far too late for you. As for me? Well considering it’s all about you. It’s too late for me. Very well it shouldn’t be. Shit, it isn’t. But that is surely how it feels. Fresco and Meka are proud of where I’ve come. No matter the circumstance. Considering those are the only two people with whom I’m completely honest about my feelings, that’s something I should also be proud of. I can’t help but feel like my actions are ingenuine. Most of this came after conversations with you. No one can destroy me like you. No one can put me over the moon like you. And there’s no one I genuinely love conversing with, about ANYTHING, more than you. I guess I’m still adjusting to fact that we do not exist, in any capacity, in the other’s world. Something happened recenty that only you’d appreciate as I did. Guess what? I couldn’t hit you about it. So I just had to snicker and keep it moving. I’ll just have to continue growing. And moving forward. Despite the onslaught on setbacks that continue coming my way. I’ve accepted my fate. But I still aspire to accomplish my goals. Especially the new ones on plate. I’ll measure my success based on the relative happiness I achieve in life. When asked at 15 years of age what my life goal was, I said: “to be happy”. I was there. Just not for long. Let’s try sustained happiness. I love you.
Category: words2life
words2life
Thanksgiving building
Now that Nelson Waters (& toobad) got beats, we on our way. Communication man!! And it took for me to be there and facilitate it all. Niggas need to get on they game. I can’t do everything (although soon I WILL be doing everything, at least attempting to).
Let us not forget bobby upcoming project that we may have a hand in. But really I fux wit Tee on a personal level. He’s the oldest young nigga I know. I fux wit him though. His head is in the right place (mostly. Cuz we slave to the vanity). I’ll also add him to the list of ppl that have faith in me. He motivated me a bit. He sees my aim even if he pokes fun.
I haven’t spoke with the kid fresco on that level for minute. Although, Idk that I’m ready to divulge the chaotic madness that occupies my mind.
And Danni? Well. She’s Danni.
Can’t forgot whiteness. She’s rides hard for the kid. I can’t express how much I appreciate that. Not mention she invited me to spend thanksgiving with teddy and her fam.
RE:start
Gone
lost
forgotten
It’s perplexing to the mind
Reflecting on it all
What was the last straw?
With the end brings a beginning anew
After the reset button I don’t feel brand new
I feel washed up and used
A hand me down
One man’s trash is anothers treasure.
So am I more of a vintage piece that’s others are searching high & low for?
I’m right here on the shelf just waiting to be discovered.
Getting better with time
The scars? Those are just “character”
Adding to the mystic nostalgia you get when gaze at my outer shell
But take a look on the inside. I have the world to offer to you.
I want you to swim in the depths of my soul
Splash around in the wealth of my knowledge
Skinny dip in my stream of conscious
Hold your breath under my pain.
Hold my hand while we walk in the rain
Those rain drops are tear drops
I’m sharing my all
You deserve nothing less
And I deserve something more
When our lips touch I feel it in the core
Of my heart.
The moment that lasts forever
The moment we found forever
I promise to never let go. Ever.
It was over from the start.
Now it’s time to RE:START
You.
To him it is clear, though he cannot properly articulate why. It is something he felt in the air as much as observed with his eyes.
Twin: Can’t Imagine
I love twin
Try to imagine,
a time when those moments didn’t end up invading.
What if we didn’t end up meeting and my eyes on you never landing…
Not falling in love with you over and over again,
I couldn’t imagine.
I only want to believe in the Tale of Two of us AgainDeneen
– Love Fully
Heart in a box
The whole expect more and they’ll give more thing
Yeah. I got it. It worked. I thank you. But I got it and acted upon such way too late for it to mean anything. 😦
I understand my life is about me. But c’mon. Really I wouldn’t be where I am without you. Both good and bad. My doing and my fault. Again both good and bad.
The beautiful struggle of life. Love. Ever escaping happiness.
One day….
Growing pains
I sat back and took a look at myself. I have progressed quite a bit. It’s an everyday process. Constantly fending off that which can derail me. It’s interesting how it was just a snap decision every time I decided change was necessary. Will power. Strength of the mind. The body and spirit soon followed. One nagging thought during the state of reflection. This is the man I am; was this the man I always was and always supposed to be?
I’m gone
And when I disappear
Will you remember me?
Or will it be like I was never there…
I seem to be losing my mind
Maybe it’s something you left out. Maybe you didn’t tell me everything. Maybe you lied. Maybe you had something to hide. And hid it. Did you cheat? Did you have someone else in the beginning? Were you inappropriate with someone? I have no reason to believe you did any of this. I’m just wondering if there’s a reason I shouldn’t feel the way I do. A reason to forget. A reason to be able to let go. I’ve been trapped from the moment I laid my eyes upon you. And I just wonder… I hope none of that occurred. I surely fuckin wanna know IF it did happen. But I’m just reachin. My thoughts have turned on me again. I’m dangerous gettin lost in them.
Unsheathe my sword
So the other day at work I was listening to music on my phone. Watching tv shows. Tweetering. Playing games. Oh and I had my brightness on 100% (cuz the HD looks better when watching movies/tv shows). Then I look at my battery life 14%. Lo and behold, I forgot my charger. With 3+hrs of work and at least an hour commute home. I was in trouble. phone died. So I was left with my thoughts. NOT GOOD. but I also was left with something else
PUTTING THE PEN TO PAPER!!!
I haven’t wrote something on paper since I abandoned my notebook months back. It felt good. It’s a whole different feel for me to write on paper. Sometimes it’s so much better. I don’t mind crossing things out or adding something in. It’s a point of reference to thought pattern and “editing”. (editing in quotes cuz I dont really edit per se. And I don’t like to). Anyway. I need to be more productive at work. I got some things planned and I got free time here to get some of it done…
BananaClipse 