Category: LOSS

It’s not about me…

I wish when I read your words they were about me… But it’s NEVER been about me. EVER. I didn’t get that till recently…but what am I to do? To think? I want to matter. But when’s the last time I did? When’s the last time anything I did meant something? All these gestures. And carefully thought out moves. And gifts from my heart. For what? For nothing. Always for nothing. Cuz coming from me what value does it have? That’s the problem. I thought I still mattered. I thought I could still make a difference in your life….

Mind(melting)

Tap me in my heart and whisper to me ‘we ain’t meant to be’.
We were just dreamerz
I admit I still fantasize about you
Baby take off your cool
Everytime I look in your brown eyes I get high
Dreams turn to memories and weeks turn to years
When a heart breaks it never breaks even
To be around you is oh so right, you’re shear perfection
Come and take me here I am baby
Loving you is killing me
When the sun rises she watches over me
You wasn’t perfect but you made life worth it
I can’t love you this much
I know everything

Never be mine

I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t expect you to stick around
How can I be expected to love you when I still love her. Outside smiles inside frowns
Feels like my life is get down or lay down.
Never will I win.
Cuz when a new one comes around it’s always about HER
And I’m nowhere on her radar, pathetic it is.
Toxic in my heart. Trapped in my mind
The love I want is hers. It’s hiding; for me never to find
And when someone comes anew. I’m stuck in a bind
Cuz I’m longing for a love that’ll never be mine…
Again

Love runs deep

You ever Have a convo with the woman of your dreams? The one in your dreams. The one you wake up thinking about every morning. The love of your life. The ONE. you ever have that convo where you tell her to let go of her inhibitions. Of the past. Of her hurt. And just LOVE. Because her love is so beautiful and unmatched and amazing and a true gift. To not waste an opportunity that she truly feels. And she agrees. But you’re not talking about her loving you. You’re talking about her loving him? Yeah well. I love her so much. That I’ll stop at nothing to bring her back to seeing her greatness. Even when it means that THEY live happily ever after. . .

*tears*
Te amo

Goodbye bacon

I was thinking of all the great meals I can make with bacon or add copious amounts of bacon to. Then I remembered the chat I had with beast yesterday about me becoming a fat tub of lard. No bacon. For at least a month. Time for this diet and workout regimen. Like I was doin back in 08. No soda. No candies. Less butter. Less red meats. More water. More chickens. More TOTAL! it might not be so bad. But the devil is everywhere. Tempting me with his delicious foods.

And when I deserve it in a month’s (or 2) time. I will reward myself with MY version of ‘The Luther’… God help us all.

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