On Monday I went to the live taping of Dancing With The Stars with La Madre De Bestía. Great time. She’s a lot of fun. Very vulgar too. I like it lol. Of course we ended on up talking about bestía. It was brief. But her catchphrase for me “Everything for love”. I do it all with pure intentions from my heart. I’ve questioned myself. But I always end up at the same conclusion. She appreciates what I do and why I do it. It’s not always fair to me but I don’t care. If it gets stripped away again… I’ll lose it. But I don’t worry about that. I just do my best to control what I can and maybe the god(s)(ess)(es) will take of us.
Everything for LOVE.
Category: inside the mind of the insane
inside the mind of the insane
In a flash
Seems like we’ve been through it all already
We will battle again
But will you still be here when the smoke clears?
Inhibitions abound.
What happened to love without the fear?
Are the cheers just smoke & mirrors?
Are you hiding from me or yourself?
Love can’t pay the bills, but it’s a whole ‘nother level of wealth
Sickness and health? We ain’t made those vows
Yet & still, I am bound by my word to give you everything.
And give, I will. Until I have nothing.
Fall and I’ll catch you
Used to say that I’ll match you
Nay. I want to give you more than you could ever give me.
It’s not about paying back or owing you.
It’s about showing you.
Fuck the lectures
Grand gestures.
My actions will speak volumes my voice could never replicate
I pray I get the chance
Cuz it could be gone in a flash
Like that….
The mind at work
You’ve already got me at my knees
I wonder
When will you slash my throat?
Hope….so…
Depression, set in
Full mode
Heart, explode
Mind, gone
Mine’s gone?
Seems so
Come back
Push back
Get back?
Left back.
Future?
Seems no
Crumbling
Decay
Rebuild?
Hope so
The cleanse
Mind body and soul
Body, from a physical stand point, will be the easiest. Ridding myself of the toxins I rejected before but currently have no problem taking in.
Mind and soul; a journey that is never complete. But a task I must take ahold of stronger than ever before. I mustn’t be content with how far I’ve come when I’ve yet so far to go. I should use my progress as a benchmark and a quiet victory in the battle within the entire landscape of the war; I have only scratched the surface.
I was just in a state of deep relaxation. Eyes closed. Not a thought in mind. Deep controlled breathing. *knock knock knock*. I’m at work. Surely this man thought I was sleeping. The 30minutes that passed felt like 1. I need more of this. To continue to push forward to where I want and NEED to be.
My growth hit a bit of a stand still. Entirely my fault. I’ll be back on track. I am on track.
Spillage
I spoke with Tiffany and spilled just a little of what I feel. It’s not all the time. And WE (not me and tiff) have spoke about it. Sometimes it’s just gonna get to me. Today may not be one of those days. But today I chose to let some of it out. After the cut
Baby steps: forward
I am better
I deserve better
I am more
I deserve more
I will be better
I will get more
Give me more
I’m putting the pieces together.
I may be a little slow. But I’m getting there.
I’ve come a long way.
I’m still figuring out A LOT.
Bare with me.
Progress.
Separately, we grow, as we are together
As we do, we continue to grow, together
In doing so we will continue to grow together.
“Do you ever wonder what it all really means?”
Once
I felt like
I was everything
Now
I feel very
insignificant.
still HERE
i keep trying
is it me? is it you?
can we make a comeback? or am I destined to be DOOMed again?
just a couple of months ago it was a dream. we talked. we loved. we laughed . we shared.
I’m all in.
i think it’s all in your head. no matter how much i try to help. i just can’t. I just have to support you as best as I can until you figure it out.
when you do, hopefully i’m still the love of your life. because you are mine. soul mate(s).
I hope you find peace of mind. I pray for you all the time.
if I one day am no longer apart of the plan? well, it doesn’t matter, so long as you achieve the freedom you seek.
I’ll be here for you, Love. forever. FOREVER.
❤
feels like
i could lose.
but i can’t!
i just can’t . . .