I thought about you last night
I thought about all the things we’ll never be
All the things we’ll never see
Together
Forever?
What a joke
No one has that kind of time
Along with you, I’ve given up all my dreams
Started facing the cold reality
Back to the survival mentality.
Fought the good fight but came out worse for the wear
Shredded to pieces and put back together
Never the same there’s too many tears
Category: words2life
words2life
I believe(d)
***I’ve been out with the flu. Still battling it. I hope I don’t die. At least not yet**
Do you believe me when I say that from the beginning of the end I didn’t believe?
That I never had any real hope.
Not until 2 random days this past December did I have real hope
What does that say about me?
What has all this been ?
A coping mechanism?
A way to express myself in ways I’ve never expressed myself before.
Maybe all my damage built up and broke me.
And that ended with us.
Now I’m ready to rebuild.
Piece myself together.
Grow bigger than anyone ever imagined
Attain success that I never dreamed of.
But only now is it that I truly miss you.
The reasons reach far beyond what we once shared.
But I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t have plenty to do with it.
In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter
It never will.
The problem is…
I wish it did
2nd guessing
I thought about you yesterday. I was about to reach out. But I didn’t. I thought about it. I 2nd guessed myself. I hate that I did that. I don’t ever do that. I act on impulse. I don’t think. I do everything with sincerity or to get a reaction. But yesterday? I didn’t do that. I HATE THAT! Why? Why did I stop short?
The prison in which I live
Breaking down walls
Friends? Fuck friends!
We’re so much more.
Crossing that line only requires just a little bit more
If you’re unwilling? Then I’m gone
I can’t torture myself in your presence any longer
Over time my feelings have grown stronger.
Missing you so much when I’m standing right next to you
Longing to share with you my embrace, maybe a a kiss or two.
Hold hands. Exchange gazes. Love’s reciprocal.
Instead we share a laugh and when you get caught up in me? You fight it off. Typical.
I can’t break thru the wall this time. It has to be you
If you can’t get over it? Then we’ll go no further. What a shame
But you know when you do our love will run free, and take over the game.
Patiently waiting for you to knock down the walls
Until then I’ll be in my lane,
waiting for your call
Don’t worry I promise to break your fall
Long goner
She’s been long gone, and I’ve been a long goner
Living in constant rain, self medicate the pain
Put the knife to my wrists but never cut
That’s just a cry for help and when I take it there? I intend to go all the way
Once my heart stops bleeding, it’ll burst to flames
I needed it to mean something or else I’d be stuck in purgatory without an escape
Low and behold it meant NOTHING
Now all that’s left is a burial date
My love has died
Nothing left
Brain fried
What’s next?
It’s like I’m a zombie left to roam the earth
Feeding on the pain, in a never ending search…
**this is dedicated to Twin. NOT about her. Just dedicated to her admiration for my expression. Thank you Twin.
Blessed?
I’m not mentally prepared for today. At all. I’m checking out.
Valuable lesson
I think the best lesson I’ve finally come to realize is that none of it fuckin matters. At all.
Baby steps
Stars
My friend. She took me to a place to see the stars. We were talking and she felt my hurt. So she took me to see the stars. It was amazing. I stood there in awe. I swear I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s was absolutely beautiful. And for those 5-10 minutes. I thought about NOTHING!! Literally nothing on my mind. I just enjoyed the stars. The glimmer. The shine. I mean FUCK you can’t see stars from my house so to see THAT?! And at a time like this? What fucking great friend. Completely out of nowhere and she forced it upon me. She’s fuckin amazing. THANK YOU! I NEEDED that.
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