Category: LOSS

The day after

Remember the email you sent with this (below)? I do. Do you still wonder why I’m confused and writing it off? But it doesn’t matter. Does it?

Love dragged it’s tail of pain,
It’s train of static thorns behind it,
And we closed our eyes so that nothing,
So that no wound could divide us.

This crying is not your eyes fault;
Your hands didn’t plunge that sword;
Your feet didn’t seek this path;
This somber honey found it’s own way to your heart.

When love like a huge wave
carried us, crashed us against the boulder,
It milled us to a single flour;

This sorrow fell into another, sweeter face:
So in an open season of the light
This wounded springtime was blessed.
– Pablo Neruda

Sleepless Monster

My body is on a great new kick. Well not super new but anyway. Yeah. I can’t sleep more than 4 hours at a time. If I get lucky after I’m up for an hour I’ll fall back to sleep for a 30min-1hr nap. But it’s kinda annoying. Sleep at 6 up by 10. If 4 then 8. Never ending cycle. I guess its cool my stomach is much calmer tho. Was that the trade off? Idk. I guess it’s time I do something productive with these extra hours. Like stop being a fat piece of shit.

Come on down


So I start off the year a GREAT note. /sarcasm. First off. I don’t believe in resolutions. New years is just another day. I mean you can use it as a marker to see how you’ve done the past 365. But really EVERYDAY is a good day to try and get your shit together…. That being said. I’m in the mist of a failure of a day. And it’s 7am! When I do everything right, something always goes wrong. Moms calls that the ‘(insert my last name) luck’. Aka the family curse (my ‘pops’ side of the family, not hers). Things can only get better from here. Hopefully. I guess I should be thankful I’m not a hungry african baby or a 12 year old sex slave. Right?

In my heart

You know. Way back when. During the split. As we grew apart, me and 45-tudda got closer. But I didn’t look to him to fill any void. He just seemed to come to me. Coincidently. Or maybe he just knew. Cuz when I told him I was leaving, he was confused cuz he knew my feelings for YOU! But he literally kept me sane. That kid stole my heart from day 1. And I know I keep saying it but fuck it. He is my dude forever! He was so much smarter than we gave him credit for. One day when I was crying like a bitch. He came over gave me a hug and asked why I was crying. Like an adult. Fuckin amazing he is. God how I miss him (and you, kinda lol). 45-tudda, you are one of my life long inspirations. I love you little nigga! Even tho you’ll never know it.

Super(natural)

You and I, are too devine, what we share, it stands the hand of time, even though, we don’t go together, what we share, is gon last forever and ever

super natural, super natural

You and I, way way too devine, shit even volitile, when these enerigies do combine, even when, were just friends, you can’t deny, no, gravity pulls till we inter-twine

Super natural, super natural

It’s so unfinished, and it’s so forbidden, but I can’t wait, to taste sweet temptation, and we know it’s wrong but it’s been so long, lightyears and lightyears and still holding on

It’s so unfinished, and it’s so forbidden, but I can’t wait, to taste sweet temptation, and we know it’s wrong but it’s been so long, lightyears and lightyears and still holding on, but it’s

Super natural, super natural. . . .

Little nigga

I was gonna go on this LONG rant. Well just more of a reflection. But I think I’ve made peace with it within myself. I will say tho, 4-5-to the… He may not remember me now, definitely won’t later. But that’s my nigga all day. Now and forever. He’s forever in my heart and helped my growth as a person. I love you

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