Day: April 4, 2013

I was really tired tonight. Early too. Told you good night. Then my mom called. Kinda random. Kinda pointless. Then I was up. I wanted to call you. I didn’t even have anything to say. I just wanted hear you. I mean, do we ever have anything to talk about? Now I’m laying here… thinking… Why don’t I just act?! I could be picking your brain. Throwing random ideas out. Listening to you(r) laugh. But I’m here. Just thinking. Would I have left a message if I got your voicemail? Definitely. What kind though? A quick one? Just a “hey”. Or maybe something more personal. Something meaningful. Definitely that. But nope. I’m just laying here. Thinking…. Thinking…. Why you?! Still! It’s like there has to be something more to all this. Are you still Pam? Or are you Clem? To me, you are both. You’re more one than the other, at times. But you’re always both. Just gotta find the balance. But I can’t do anything about that. I realized this. Finally. It’s YOU! You’re the reason for all this. I can stand up to you. And I can put my foot down. Or I can be submissive. None of it matters. It’s you that gets in the way of your own progress. You need to heal. I can support you but that’s all I can do… THINKING… THINKING! T H I N K I N G !