I need to write a book. Seriously. Several of them.
But just read this for now
I continue to grow. Move forward. Setting new goals. Still trying to reach the “old” ones. I’m in this for the long haul. You really don’t understand how much I’ve changed and what it took to get here. The fact that I’m positive? Speaks volumes. My folly was trapping my mind within itself. You have to see your self worth and let some of the bad go. Even if I haven’t told her. I’ve forgiven my mother. I’ve let go of all the animosity I held from the past. Although I feel like some of this wasn’t possible without YOU, I did this. ME. and that was always what should’ve been the case. I have a lot of things in motion. Something’s missing. You. (But we’ll get to that later). The biggest thing is my mental. I re-examined myself, and still constantly do, realized I needed to change. I did. Some things took a lot of time. It was definitely an adjustment. Others? Easy. Should’ve fixed that shit years ago. I guess I never really saw the bigger picture. I used to literally WANT to die. Now? Not so much. I feel like there’s something to live for. Especially now. And if you don’t believe how much I’m evolving into the meant I was always meant to be? I’m not biting my nails anymore! Lol. Seriously if you KNOW me, then you know kicking that habit is HUGE. So symbolic of all my other changes. I still don’t always subscribe to that “it’s not the destination, it’s the mission” it nice to see where the journey takes you and the ppl you meet along the way. Especially the genuine few you encounter. But I’m about that destination. I will make it there. Then WE will rule the world. With love.
**sometimes it’s hard to be a positive optimist while maintaining the views of a realist. Am I convincing myself of things I don’t really believe? Not necessarily. It’s more that there’s something there. If only we can take that and let it out. Easier said than done BUT I’m all in. I can’t be any other way. I may pay for it, dearly. But just maybe I get everything my heart desires. And in that case I’ll put myself through the fire again because there’s a possibility I’m make it through unharmed. Even if the possibility is only slim at this point. Love. I live for you.
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