ode to the boy

told the boy i was leaving, this is how it went:

me: tomorrow I’m leaving. I won’t be back anymore. ok

the boy: you leaving to your house

me: yes

the boy: then you coming back here

me: no i’m not gonna be here anymore buddy

the boy: but you love my mama

me: *instant tears*i know, but i won’t be here anymore

the boy: (repeats 3 more times) you love mama, druw

the boy will be 4yrs old monday. He will be in my heart forever.

When Nas – The World leaked I loved the production by Kanye. The lyrics meant nothin till The Boy was brought in my life. then at least a part of them were ever relevant.

a new life soon begins, like I told you “when I’m in, I’m in”….baby girl had a son he was 3, yeah i took him in now she call him little me, i even look like him, naw i mean he look like me, a couple shades darker. . ..

The Beggar

Kinda tired. Haven’t slept much lately (what’s new right?). Woke up this morning with the feeling it was gonna me a mentally taxing day. It was. Can’t help but beat myself up. Weighs on my mind every minute of everyday. Longing. Hoping. Wishing. But worst of all is knowing. And the escape I once had. Only reminds me even more. add to fact that I’m having major sinus problems and migranes from sinus pressure. When it rains, it pours. But i know The sun will shine. Just takes time. So I’ll continue the beautiful struggle to find peace. Once found, now lost; the actions were mine, thus my heart must pay the cost.

Want You To Want Me

i suffer from insomnia. sometimes it sucks, sometimes it just is. you get used to it. well i did. Last night was particularly rough. I couldn’t really sleep AT ALL. but i was so tired. Add to the fact that I’m living with the heartbreak of FAILING the love of my life. Sometimes it’s just too much (emotionally that is). I never really cared about much. I didn’t loathe life, but i was very closed minded. This whole situation has opened my eyes to LIFE. What I had/have, what I can attain, all that good ish. BUT it always made me see what I lost and am losing. HER. Everything she is and was and continues to be. EPIC FAIL. If I could describe perfection. She surpassed that. And I? I lost sight of the goal. Lost sight of myself. Me failing myself may have been the biggest fail. It is because I failed to live up to my own standards that I caught this L. Need to blame someone? look in the mirror. I’ve had plenty bad luck and bad situations I was placed in and couldn’t control. But this here? Naw, it’s on me;  that’s the absolute worst part. I can’t just write it off. Do I love her enough to let go? yes. But I’m not ready yet. I need some time.

“Take care of yourself & everything will fall into place” I agree. but my plans were to include you into that. that’s the problem. So no matter how successful and happy I become. Something will ALWAYS be missing. BUT Thank You. your support means the world to me.

I LOVE YOU. . .

**funny thing is (to me, at least) now i understand all these corny R&B love songs about heartbreak. like this one (that I ignored and never really paid no attention to, until it came on pandora the other day)(first verse especially):

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started