Kinda tired. Haven’t slept much lately (what’s new right?). Woke up this morning with the feeling it was gonna me a mentally taxing day. It was. Can’t help but beat myself up. Weighs on my mind every minute of everyday. Longing. Hoping. Wishing. But worst of all is knowing. And the escape I once had. Only reminds me even more. add to fact that I’m having major sinus problems and migranes from sinus pressure. When it rains, it pours. But i know The sun will shine. Just takes time. So I’ll continue the beautiful struggle to find peace. Once found, now lost; the actions were mine, thus my heart must pay the cost.
Category: LOSS
Want You To Want Me
i suffer from insomnia. sometimes it sucks, sometimes it just is. you get used to it. well i did. Last night was particularly rough. I couldn’t really sleep AT ALL. but i was so tired. Add to the fact that I’m living with the heartbreak of FAILING the love of my life. Sometimes it’s just too much (emotionally that is). I never really cared about much. I didn’t loathe life, but i was very closed minded. This whole situation has opened my eyes to LIFE. What I had/have, what I can attain, all that good ish. BUT it always made me see what I lost and am losing. HER. Everything she is and was and continues to be. EPIC FAIL. If I could describe perfection. She surpassed that. And I? I lost sight of the goal. Lost sight of myself. Me failing myself may have been the biggest fail. It is because I failed to live up to my own standards that I caught this L. Need to blame someone? look in the mirror. I’ve had plenty bad luck and bad situations I was placed in and couldn’t control. But this here? Naw, it’s on me; that’s the absolute worst part. I can’t just write it off. Do I love her enough to let go? yes. But I’m not ready yet. I need some time.
“Take care of yourself & everything will fall into place” I agree. but my plans were to include you into that. that’s the problem. So no matter how successful and happy I become. Something will ALWAYS be missing. BUT Thank You. your support means the world to me.
I LOVE YOU. . .
**funny thing is (to me, at least) now i understand all these corny R&B love songs about heartbreak. like this one (that I ignored and never really paid no attention to, until it came on pandora the other day)(first verse especially):
no one will
How much can one learn from love
How much can two learn by livin’ like we do
So much I get from your touch
The memories have conquered me got me callin’ out to you
In my way, no one will, no one will
Appreciate the way you move, the way you step & your attitude
What I say, no one will, no one will
Take a dive in the deepest part to swallow your flow & nectar
We laugh, we laugh, we laugh, when we love, when we love
Said we laugh, we laugh, laughter is inside our love yeah
So tell me how much can two learn from pain
Can one explanation derail the destination
Well, maybe, I’m insane
But don’t you hold it against me girl
I’m a lunatic with conviction
I said, no one will, no one will, no one will
Appreciate everything you are, nurture you & your open heart
What I say, no one will, no one will
Give you all you want & more
Help you find what you’re looking for
We laugh, we laugh, we love Love
When I touch you, when I think about how I wanna touch you
It feels like I have so much to look forward to
And uh, it’s all I ever want to feel
That’s all I ever NEED to feel
To be without it, is too much.
To be without it
Heartbreak
My head keeps spinnin, I can’t stop having these visions, I got to get with it
Lost and confused. Will I find myself again? Right now, I just don’t know. Positivity doesn’t come easy. Change doesn’t happen over night. But life just keeps going. What’s worse is it’s all my fault. No reversing. No redeeming. Back to where I came from. Not where I want to be. Not where I belong.
Home is where your heart. My heart’s with you. But your heart is no longer with mine. I still hold out hope that one day you’ll be back. If not, I only have myself to blame.
Throwback
was always feeling this track since the album dropped. feelin it in a different way now
**you can cut it off around 2:15
Changes
They say people never change. I disagree. I’ve changed. Now it’s time for me to change again. I’ve had a motivation to become a better person for some time. Yet I kept in my old ways. Subbornly ignoring promises I had made. To myself and others. I have vowed to make the changes I originally set forth to make. I will no longer make excuses. Change is about YOU. I want to keep the people (read: person) that I love in my life. I have kept some promises. But not the important ones. Not the ones that lead to my ultimate goal. Forever is a very long time. That’s the time I want. That’s the time I intend to have. It’s up to me to hold my end of the bargain. Take care of me first. Then I can take care of those around me. Responsibility. Living to my expectations I have of myself. And those I made promises to.
TiRon – “Devils” (Freestyle)
If you haven’t noticed I’m late on ish. I’m trying to get my life together. I’ll get in where I can.
Got the cure for AIDS but everything’s cancerous (c) Che Grand
My gma has been diagnosed with breast cancer. . . . . . .
Cal’s Jahvid Best: What goes up, must come down
this kid is a damn good RB. sure he’ll be fine. looks much worse than it is I’m sure. Concussions suck
Dear Clippers fans: GOD HATES YOU
As you all should know by now Blake Griffin is out up to 6wks with a stress fracture in his knee. When you jump like BG, this can be a regular occurrence. So even after it heals watch out!!
BananaClipse 