(Wrote this a while ago. Thought I’d finally let it breathe. BUT there will be a new edit of this. Who knows if you’ll ever get to read it.)

The 3rd time is the charm
I’m afraid I won’t get to check the validity of the statement.
I’m scared to find out if my time is even worth spending on finding the truth in the cliche.
I’m terrified that I’ll be torn to no end in seeking the accuracy of the idiom.
Most of all, I fear what will happen if I stand by and do nothing.
Chasing the dream.
Taking action
Forging reality into my own
The worst part is it’s not all in my hands
You weren’t ready.
Might still not be.
So I must walk the tightrope with no safety net.
Fate in my hands.
Risk my heart for the reward
Leap of faith?
No
More like
A leap of Love.

I was really tired tonight. Early too. Told you good night. Then my mom called. Kinda random. Kinda pointless. Then I was up. I wanted to call you. I didn’t even have anything to say. I just wanted hear you. I mean, do we ever have anything to talk about? Now I’m laying here… thinking… Why don’t I just act?! I could be picking your brain. Throwing random ideas out. Listening to you(r) laugh. But I’m here. Just thinking. Would I have left a message if I got your voicemail? Definitely. What kind though? A quick one? Just a “hey”. Or maybe something more personal. Something meaningful. Definitely that. But nope. I’m just laying here. Thinking…. Thinking…. Why you?! Still! It’s like there has to be something more to all this. Are you still Pam? Or are you Clem? To me, you are both. You’re more one than the other, at times. But you’re always both. Just gotta find the balance. But I can’t do anything about that. I realized this. Finally. It’s YOU! You’re the reason for all this. I can stand up to you. And I can put my foot down. Or I can be submissive. None of it matters. It’s you that gets in the way of your own progress. You need to heal. I can support you but that’s all I can do… THINKING… THINKING! T H I N K I N G !