I’m back. & I’m done almost dying

So on Wednesday I went back to the hospital. As I started bleeding at the end of my OT shift (good timing I need my monies!). Then on Thursday while in the hospital I started bleeding again like crazy it was awful. I needed a “massive” blood transfusion. Then they hooked up 5 IV’s to me and took me straight to the operating room. Emergency surgery. And they finally found it. An exposed blood vessel in my nose that was always gonna need surgery to be repaired. So now I should finally be on my way to 100%. It only took 5 trips to the ER and another bleed episode while in the hospital. But I’m still here. *salute*

I think I’m back. I’ll update as I see fit. To break from the daily madness that we are dealing with in our lives. And continue to stay informed on the protests in Ferguson and the protests that are gaining steam in LA for Ezell Ford and Omar Abrego

Thought I might die. So all I thought of was you

The worst part about thinking I might die was You. It’s like all I wanted was your comfort. If that was the end? I wanted you to be with me. Even if only in spirit. Instead I have nothing. I reached our. But I also did that knowing there was a 99.9% that i would be ignored. I imagine the next time someone contacts you regarding me will probably be my death. Which is either coming soon. Or is a long way down the road. So much so that contacting you will not be realistic. If I hadn’t accepted reality. I sure as hell have met it head on this time. Of course it’s me that is about to pass out and writes the above message on my phone in case I die. Sure enough after I wrote that I alerted the nurse. & Promptly lost consciousness. Mustered every ounce of energy I had left to leave a message that would fall upon deaf ears. I’m done for. I’ll just try to enjoy the rest of this as much I possibly can.
Lastly, a Neruda Sonnet that may capture my emotions better than I can at this point:

When I die, I want your hands on my eyes:
I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me once more:
I want to feel the softness that changed my destiny.

I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep.
I want your ears still to hear the wind, I want you
to sniff the sea’s aroma that we loved together,
to continue to walk on the sand we walk on.

I want what I love to continue to live,
and you whom I love and sang above everything else
to continue to flourish, full-flowered:

so that you can reach everything my love directs you to,
so that my shadow can travel along in your hair,
so that everything can learn the reason for my song.

With the events surrounding Mike Brown and Ferguson. AND Ezell Ford and the LAPD. it doesn’t feel right or necessary to post random songs. I may get back to it very soon because a healthy distraction to reset your mind is necessary. But not today.
Also. With my health recovery I may share some of the things that racked my brain while uncontrollably bleeding in the emergency room.