Category Archives: LOSS

Million Dollar Man

Is she singing this to me on your behalf? I think so

“You said I was the most exotic flower
Holding me tight in our final hour
I don’t know how you convince them and get them, but
I don’t know what you do, it’s unbelievable
And I don’t know how you get over, get over
Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

One for the money, and two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

You got the world but baby at what price?
Something so strange, hard to define

It isn’t that hard boy to like you or love you
I’d follow you down down down,
You’re unbelievable
If you’re going crazy just grab me and take me
I’d follow you down down down, anywhere anywhere

One for the money, two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

One for the money, two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

I don’t know,
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?”

-Lana Del Rey

Fin.

So ends our saga. I bet you’re happy & relieved. Nothing changes for me. I love you still. I know you still love me but refuse to take my hand and jump. You’re right though, I HAD you and I fucked up. 2nd chance?… But you won’t hear about it from me. Will we stay friends? That’s a decision you’ve always made. I promised to ALWAYS be here for you. That never changes. I’m still “gonna bring you back”. It just won’t be me that shares in your greatness. And if somehow your mind changes? You know where to find me….

Saying goodbye to love. The woman of my dreams. It. The one. Soulmate. (all words you’ve also used to describe me. Fairly recently too.. To no avail [not "woman" tho lol])
Dreams are just dreams. Reality is here. I really thought I’d have you. Smh. I really did… A fool I’ve always been
I love you.

Worse yet? I’ll never have my son…
I love you 456.

RIP Etta James

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Technical difficulties.

The copy/paste function isn’t working properly on my phone. Please stand by.

It’s always about you

Even when it’s not. =\ I mean why would be about anyone or anything else for that matter? It’s not like I haven’t been planning on being a better person all along. I wanted to for myself. But I NEEDED to for you. Then I didn’t do it for either reason until after. When it was far too late for you. As for me? Well considering it’s all about you. It’s too late for me. Very well it shouldn’t be. Shit, it isn’t. But that is surely how it feels. Fresco and Meka are proud of where I’ve come. No matter the circumstance. Considering those are the only two people with whom I’m completely honest about my feelings, that’s something I should also be proud of. I can’t help but feel like my actions are ingenuine. Most of this came after conversations with you. No one can destroy me like you. No one can put me over the moon like you. And there’s no one I genuinely love conversing with, about ANYTHING, more than you. I guess I’m still adjusting to fact that we do not exist, in any capacity, in the other’s world. Something happened recenty that only you’d appreciate as I did. Guess what? I couldn’t hit you about it. So I just had to snicker and keep it moving. I’ll just have to continue growing. And moving forward. Despite the onslaught on setbacks that continue coming my way. I’ve accepted my fate. But I still aspire to accomplish my goals. Especially the new ones on plate. I’ll measure my success based on the relative happiness I achieve in life. When asked at 15 years of age what my life goal was, I said: “to be happy”. I was there. Just not for long. Let’s try sustained happiness. I love you.

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

I want to keep it.
But it’ll be like we never existed
But they kept finding each other.
There was always SOMETHING in the back of their minds they couldn’t quite figure.
I imagine that’s how it’ll be for me. Something in the back of my mind…
So I guess this is day 1. Or does tomorrow count as day 1? *shrugs* either way….

meet me in floss angeles[montauk]

You know how to make a bad day worse?

I do. as if the BS at work wasn’t killin me off already.

“I’m nobody special”. That’s the thing you don’t realize. YOU ARE!
it doesn’t matter. Never will. Never did. The end is here.

fin.

(Ex)quisitePain

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jesus christ don’t break my heart

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YOU, Me, SHE & HER

All I wanted was to love you. Simple enough. I had it bad for you. But you always had him in your back pocket. And that was reason why we never progressed. Here I am all smitten over you. Ready to simp. The truth rears it’s ugly head. Then I believe there’s redemption at hand. But then POW. again. Same shit. I’m just a place holder. Someone to make you feel better when he treats you like shit. Cuz I just wanna lay down. Hold hands. And be next to you. But that’s his spot I’m keeping warm. Not anymore.

As for HER. We all know how I feel about HER but I’ll save what I was gonna say for another day

And YOU? Idk what to make of you still. But I’m intrigued enough

And SHE? Well SHE just just much too far. Unless SHE moves to LA it’s just NOT happening