I wanted to let yesterday breathe. It was the 5th anniversary of that first fateful night. I wanted it to be a very special day. Instead it was… Nothing. *sigh*
Maybe I’ll have something better about this later. Maybe I won’t. =\

I’m gonna be good to you


That sample search was also a (painful) reminder I got Her (yeah, HER) an I’m Still in Love With You vinyl a couple years ago. And it was not JUST for the sake of Simply Beautiful being on there. It was more the narrative and message of the album as a whole. I’d give the same gift this time around. Original pressing though.

Ps. That gift also included an OG pressing of Miles Davis My Funny Valentine. Sometimes I was really good. Sometimes.

6/12/09 – 2/16/14

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I’m not so sure she feels so “lucky” to have known and Loved me. Sure she has the relief though. Hank and Karen in such a bad way.

Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can’t have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I’m with her, even when I’m not.

And that’s really all that will be left. I wouldn’t be surprised if we never spoke again. That’s life. The life I created with my poor decisions. I will say, I don’t think you ever did or would’ve accepted me and all my flaws as I accepted yours. There’s more, but that’s all I feel the need to say now. Or maybe ever will.

FAILURE

Nearly 5 years of fucking up. That’s it. I failed. Over and over again. In the end, I had all the answers, and still I failed. And that’s REALLY it. This is by far the worst. Worse then before by a long shot. Lost my chance at glory. And it couldn’t have been easier to keep it. In the end I learned how much I didn’t deserve her. Cuz it was easy to keep her. And I managed to fail tragically and epically. Goodbye, Love, I deserve all the bs that come my way. You deserve everything I should’ve and was supposed to have given you, but didn’t.

LMAO hit shuffle and the first song to play is “Another Again” *sigh* I’m fucked. I’ll fix it, though. It just won’t matter to olwhatshername … You know what. It ALL matters. I just learned that the HARD way.

H&K

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“I think the world sees Hank as this, fabulous fuck up. And umm, I know that guy. I’ve spent a lot of time with that guy. But I am better acquainted with the other guy. The one that listens and hears everything. The one that looks at you and sees right into your soul. The one that makes you believe in every fucking fairy tale you’ve ever been told. Ultimately, I may not even be the woman who gets to enjoy the man that I know he can be. But I still want the best for him.” – Karen.

When I said You were Karen it was in jest. Little did I know I’d become the man-child who is supremely and constantly fucking up… You know, Hank. Self sabotage. Smh.

“We need to forgive our-fucking-selves. No one is gonna do that for us, deal?” – Hank

“…
Loving you, has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear. As your [partner] I made a vow to protect you from the world, never realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. [and now] my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sense of pride. How could you? Your [partner] is a child in a man’s body. He cares for nothing and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It’s getting dark. Too dark to see. ” – Hank

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Maybe, just maybe, it’s not too late…