Category Archives: LOSS

“what about me?” (c) _______ ____ *said while crying*

Still miss me? Nah, I wouldn’t if I was you either… If I could take it all back I would, but I can’t, and you are where you are, because of things I did, I think about it often, sometimes, I just wish we could start over… Guess I’ll see you next lifetime

Where am I going? Where am I? Where the hell am I?

This weekend I learned that my mental is FUCKED. I don’t know that there’s any fixing it. For now, I’ll embrace the darkness while looking for the solution. Hoping I’m not forever lost

Cement IVs

Well. I didn’t get em. I was within SECONDS of getting them several times and was always denied. It just wasn’t meant to be. (I’m literally considering getting out the shoe the game now….). I’m still sad about it

Echoes of Slience

I listened for her answer but all I could hear was the echo of Slience. The loudest answer she could have given me.

Blue Jeans

“I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a milion years
Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you’ll remember, oh baby, say you’ll remember
I will love you till the end of time”
-LDR

Million Dollar Man

Is she singing this to me on your behalf? I think so

“You said I was the most exotic flower
Holding me tight in our final hour
I don’t know how you convince them and get them, but
I don’t know what you do, it’s unbelievable
And I don’t know how you get over, get over
Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you

One for the money, and two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

You got the world but baby at what price?
Something so strange, hard to define

It isn’t that hard boy to like you or love you
I’d follow you down down down,
You’re unbelievable
If you’re going crazy just grab me and take me
I’d follow you down down down, anywhere anywhere

One for the money, two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

One for the money, two for the show
I love you honey, I’m ready, I’m ready to go
How did you get that way? I don’t know
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?

I don’t know,
You’re screwed up and brilliant,
Look like a million dollar man,
So why is my heart broke?”

-Lana Del Rey

Fin.

So ends our saga. I bet you’re happy & relieved. Nothing changes for me. I love you still. I know you still love me but refuse to take my hand and jump. You’re right though, I HAD you and I fucked up. 2nd chance?… But you won’t hear about it from me. Will we stay friends? That’s a decision you’ve always made. I promised to ALWAYS be here for you. That never changes. I’m still “gonna bring you back”. It just won’t be me that shares in your greatness. And if somehow your mind changes? You know where to find me….

Saying goodbye to love. The woman of my dreams. It. The one. Soulmate. (all words you’ve also used to describe me. Fairly recently too.. To no avail [not "woman" tho lol])
Dreams are just dreams. Reality is here. I really thought I’d have you. Smh. I really did… A fool I’ve always been
I love you.

Worse yet? I’ll never have my son…
I love you 456.

RIP Etta James

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Technical difficulties.

The copy/paste function isn’t working properly on my phone. Please stand by.

It’s always about you

Even when it’s not. =\ I mean why would be about anyone or anything else for that matter? It’s not like I haven’t been planning on being a better person all along. I wanted to for myself. But I NEEDED to for you. Then I didn’t do it for either reason until after. When it was far too late for you. As for me? Well considering it’s all about you. It’s too late for me. Very well it shouldn’t be. Shit, it isn’t. But that is surely how it feels. Fresco and Meka are proud of where I’ve come. No matter the circumstance. Considering those are the only two people with whom I’m completely honest about my feelings, that’s something I should also be proud of. I can’t help but feel like my actions are ingenuine. Most of this came after conversations with you. No one can destroy me like you. No one can put me over the moon like you. And there’s no one I genuinely love conversing with, about ANYTHING, more than you. I guess I’m still adjusting to fact that we do not exist, in any capacity, in the other’s world. Something happened recenty that only you’d appreciate as I did. Guess what? I couldn’t hit you about it. So I just had to snicker and keep it moving. I’ll just have to continue growing. And moving forward. Despite the onslaught on setbacks that continue coming my way. I’ve accepted my fate. But I still aspire to accomplish my goals. Especially the new ones on plate. I’ll measure my success based on the relative happiness I achieve in life. When asked at 15 years of age what my life goal was, I said: “to be happy”. I was there. Just not for long. Let’s try sustained happiness. I love you.