So we are off to SXSW again. and this year there’s actual work cuz TerrEnce Clayton is on a showcase! wooooooo!! update the site when I can. later bitches
I couldn’t sleep last night. Or this morning. You were among my thoughts. I almost reached out and bared it all to you. I held back. I don’t know if I made the right decision. Whether it matters at all. For my sanity, it does. I think I’ll tear myself my mind apart until I decide to unleash this in the universe, one way or another. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to say it to you.
let’s add today’s yoga instructor to the list of jerks that force me to have thoughts about you. . .
this was the first song that played today in yoga class. I was genuinely excited. then came the thoughts of her. they were pleasant.
What do all the dreams mean?
Are they just an outlet for the subconscious thanks to the internalizing of real/true emotions?
I have a lot of déjà vu, so can I expect a few of these visions to come to pass in reality?
Is it just because I’ve been thinkin about you more than a little bit lately? So, then these thoughts are manifesting a fantasy?
Are they just random and I’m placing too much significance on the theatre of the mind?
Perhaps I’ll find out soon. Or maybe I never will.
What I do know if I saw you in my dreams. We engaged. I felt myself relax. in a fucking dream my body in a sleeping state RELAXED! You have complete control of me. I hate this. After I felt this happen my mind was able to grasp that I was in a dream and I somehow forced myself to wake up. I was amazed when I awoke and knew what I did. I didn’t want my mind to fool me any longer. It’s not real. None of it is. Or maybe, just maybe, it will be and I don’t want to experience it twice. I would like for reality to surprise me. For once.
Last week I attended the Emeli Sande concert at the El Rey. The original post ot lost in drafts but I decided to still talk about it now. Deal with it.
Opening for Emeli on tour was Emily King. They were both amazing. I enjoy Emily King. I’m not a mega fan. But she’s pretty damn great. Now Ms Sande?! I’m all about her. Not only is her voice absolutely flawless live, but it’s even better! More powerful. It was truly incredible to witness. She also lost A LOT of weight which bodes well for the eye candy. It was just fucking awesome as shit.
But bad days are ok. Keeps balance and perspective.
I try to be positive but sometimes it’s just like fuck all this shit.
So I like skinny girls now. Like it seems to be my “type” now. Maybe just a phase. Idk. Fux it tho
Dear skinny bitches (& other bitches of all sizes),
I love you
I understood what you meant by you not deserving the Love I had to offer. Fine. Be that as it may, it doesn’t change the fact that it was decided long ago where my Love was going. I have a lot of Love to give those around me. But it’s just not the same. Never as fulfilling. I’m much more available now to those around me. It’s genuine, but it just doesn’t always bring me satisfaction. Another thing I need to work on I guess.
I think about hittin you up then I don’t. I feel like I’m losing. Lol. How though? When I’ve already lost. Idk man. It’s really confusing. It’s stupid. Deep down inside something tells me to do it.
“Tell her you love her. If only to control the pain.”
But I can’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t. Should I? I forget it. Hoping I’ll forget you. Like you’ve forgotten me.
I’m still here. You’re still here. Inside. In reality, you’re over there. Nowhere near. Right here, you never really were.
The fantasy was amazing, but it just wasn’t real.